Dear Readers ... A Year and A Half Later

Dear Readers,

A very kind reader sent me an email this morning regarding my "Links I Love" Page.  I have fixed the broken link to "Six Sisters' Stuff" and I have added a link to "The Ultimate Frugal Resource Guide" per her suggestion. Thanks Kathleen for the great resource!  I hope others will find it as useful as I have.

Unbeknownst to Kathleen, her email did more than just inform me about necessary editing.  She also reminded me that my little corner of the internet is still out there and people still come across it now and again.  When I started HWE, I started it as a sort of journal to catalog my life.  Well, life got crazy at the end of 2012 and blogging became less of a priority for me.  I made the decision to stop adding to HWE for a while and I apologize for not letting you guys know about it.

I am not sure I am ready to blog full time again but I did want to catch you up on the craziness of the past year:

- As you know, we lost a baby due to miscarriage at the end of 2012.  His name was Andrew and I still miss him to this day.  I don't cry anymore, and the acute pain is gone, but I do sometimes think "How old would Andrew be today?" or "What would _____ have been like if Andrew had been here?"

- In November 2012, I applied for a Leadership/Management Program at work.  It was a four month application process and one I unfortunately didn't feel like was appropriate or professional to share in a public forum.

- In the beginning of February 2013, I unfortunately suffered a second miscarriage.  I was only 5 weeks pregnant and I was able to miscarry at home.  This experience has left a mark on me.  I did not forget all the hope and encouragement Andrew's short life and given me but it was a very dark time.  It took a long time to emotionally recover and, to be honest, I still have my moments.  My "moments" aren't in regards to mourning the loss of the second child necessarily but about the uncertainty of the future.  I will always struggle with things I can't control and this is a giant example of needing to "let go and let God."

- While still dealing with the second miscarriage, I found out I had been accepted into the management program at work.  All of a sudden my work-life radically shifted.  I became much busier and work became something I definitely shouldn't/couldn't discuss.

- Over the next 8 months, I trained my replacement in my old position, transitioned to my new position, completed the program, and was promoted.  At the same time, my husband's work became really intense and he started working crazy-long hours.  Needless to say, work-life was (and sort of still is) our primary focus in life.

- I have settled into my new position at work and I am loving it.  Mark's hours have actually intensified even further at work (12 hour days are standard and there have been a couple 14-15+ hour days).  So basically I have decided to be very choosy about how I get to spend the little moments we have together now.  I still read obsessively and I still cook every night.  These are the things that relax me.  I have also made a point to treat myself better and give myself little at-home "spa" days as frequently as I can.

- My birthday last week actually marked the one-year anniversary of my second miscarriage and the end of the "waiting and recovery" period.  Despite our history, I am excited to try again to expand our family.  I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE to let you all know if we are blessed in that area.

So that pretty much gives a broad overview of life for me recently.  It's been a roller coaster of shifting priorities but I can honestly say I have been happy.  2013 started as the lowest point in my life and ended as one of the highest thus far.  I can't wait to see where 2014 will lead us and I appreciate every single one of you for sticking around.

Love,
Jessie

My Pledge & Apologies to Parents

I have received a couple mother-related things lately.  They've made me smile for one reason or another so I thought I would share. First things first...

Apologies to the Parents I Judged is an article I read via my friend Lena.  This article made me both laugh and cringe. 

Here's my confession:  I am not currently a mother.  Yes, I have judged.

I used to judge much worse several years ago.  I would see strangers and their "terrible" children and think "I wouldn't have handled it that way."  Of course I would never say that to someone's face but the writer of the article brought up a good point:  I didn't have to.  This makes me sad and embarrassed.

Over the past couple years several of my closest friends have become mothers.  Through them, I have seen more of what the "real world" is like and my idealistic/unrealistic/hypocritical bubble has greatly shrunk.  The fact remains though that I am not a mother.  I can babysit and emerge myself all I want in the lifestyle but I am still an impostor.  I'm still looking outside in.  I do not look at my friend's children and consider them bad.  I do not look at how their situations are handled and think my friend's chose poorly.  I know better now.  I have learned there is no such thing as the right way and that every child and circumstance is different. 

Do I still play the "What Would I Do?" game? Of course.  And I bet you that other mothers do as well.  I think it's human nature (especially women's) to put yourself in someone else's shoes and "solve" their problems.  It's not right.   It's just how it seems to be.  I can guarantee you though that my mouth stays shut and my face blank.  If and when I play my little game now it is purely for an answer to the question and not because I think I could do it better.  I couldn't.

Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel that when all of your perfectly tidy hopes and dreams don't pan out the way you thought .. you can be the one mom looking at the other naive newcomer, gritting your teeth smiling and saying "Welcome .. it's never how you planned.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sooooo I may not be a mother to a child but Mark and I are parents to a wonderful pup.  (No I am NOT comparing the two .. it's NOT the same thing .. just bare with me...)  Mark and I tend to be very strict puppy-parents.  Our friends and family give us a hard time about this and predict we will be "nazis" as parents.  We laugh and are kind of OK with this because we know we really won't be like that.  I have no idea what we will be like as parents.  How can anyone?  I know we are going in with certain expectations and I know those will, most likely, drastically change.  It's a learning process.

Well my friend Rebecca found the "Meanest Mom Pledge" and sent it to me.  You can see which side she is on ;)  Well this made me laugh and I have to say .. I love it.  So with a sense of humor, read my future pledge to my future offspring.  I honestly do love what it says .. we'll just see how much I can stick to it when the time comes :)

Let Us Keep to the Point

During dinner last night, Mark and I began discussing resolutions and the things we are looking forward to in 2012.  As it always does these days, starting a family entered into the conversation.  I mentioned in my New Years Resolutions 2012 post that we were waiting .. but it was unclear on what we were waiting for.  Well Mark announced that we would be ready once he got his new car ... which could happen any time although it probably won't be for another month or so.

Have you ever heard the saying "If you are unsure where you stand on an issue, just flip a coin.  You will then immediately know."?  I think there is a lot of truth in that.  The second that coin is in the air you will start wishing for either heads or tails.  Well with the declaration that the waiting would be over in a couple months, Mark flipped the proverbial coin.  I realized I was wishing for the opposite side.

He busted out laughing because, apparently, there may or may not have been a look of fear on my face.  It's true though.  The thought terrifies me.  I LOVE thinking about being pregnant and starting a family and I certainly have lots of theories that need testing .. but when it comes down to actually being in those shoes .. I'm all talk.  I just get this overwhelming fear of failing.  I've spent my whole life hedging my bets and "dipping my toe" into situations before diving in that blindly jumping is completely off my radar.  This goes to show there is a fundamental flaw in my walk with God.

I truly believe that we are never given more than we can handle.  I also believe that He has perfect timing.  But actions speak louder than words and my actions have proven I don't practice what I preach.  I've subconsciously known for a long time that pregnancy was going to be a make it or break it experience for me.  For a control freak like myself it is the ultimate in "giving it up".  I have to completely surrender.  I don't have a choice.  He will make me and it won't be pretty.  I would rather go of my own free will.  I have to get my head out of the sand.

Mark has a daily devotional book called My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers.  When we got home from dinner he sat down to read it.  After he finished January 1st he came to find me and told me to read it.  It's crazy how blatant God can be when he meets us where we are. This is what the passage said:

"...my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death"  ~ Philippians 1:20

My Utmost for His Highest.  "...my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed..."  We will all feel very much ashamed if we do not yield to Jesus the areas of our lives He has asked us to yield to Him.  It's as if Paul were saying, "My determined purpose is to be my utmost for His highest--my best for His glory."  To reach that level of determination is a matter of the will, not of debate or of reasoning.  It is absolute and irrevocable surrender of will at that point.  An undue amount of thought and consideration for ourselves is what keeps us from making that decision, although we cover it up with the pretense that it is others we are considering.  When we think seriously about what it will cost others if we obey the call of Jesus, we tell God He doesn't know what our obedience will mean.  Keep to the point--He does know.  Shut out every other thought and keep yourself before God in this one thing only--my utmost for His highest.  I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for His and Him alone.


My  Unstoppable Determination for His Holiness.  "Whether it means life or death--it makes no difference!" (see1:21).  Paul was determined that nothing would stop him from doing exactly what God wanted.  But before we choose to follow God's will, a crisis must develop in our lives.  This happens because we tend to be unresponsive to God's gentler nudges.  He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him and we begin to debate.  He then providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide--for or against.  That moment becomes a great crossroads in our lives.  If a crisis has come to you on any front, surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably.


Needless to say that left me a little speechless and gave me a LOT to think about.

I'M AN AUNT!!!

May I present to you, Miss Josephine Marie:

She was born yesterday and she's perfect!!  I am COMPLETELY smitten with this little girl.  It's so weird because I did not birth her .. and I have not met her in person .. yet I am already totally attached and commited to her.  I'm sure those of you who have experienced this can relate but, for me, this is new territory.  There is just this sense of protectiveness that I feel for this little one that came out of nowhere.  I have been falling in love with the idea of her since the summer but now that she's here .. well .. I'm just blown away. 

I can't even imagine what this experience must feel like for her parents.  They must feel like this times a BILLION.  I think I would explode. :)

Well needless to say, Miss Josephine is the greatest Christmas present EVER.  I can't wait to give her a cousin.  Hopefully one day.


In the meantime, here are some more pictures of perfection:

Our four-legged first born...

Hi :)

Meet Merlin.  He is a border collie-rottweiler mix.  He is also spoiled rotten.  Since he is such a huge part of my family, I felt I needed to introduce him.  I may talk about him in the future so you will at least now have a face to go with the name.  I know he is a dog but he is constantly teaching me (through example) lessons in patience, unconditional love and forgiveness.  If you ever have the pleasure of meeting him, he is extremely friendly and if you pet him, he's yours for life.  You've been warned :)

What’s in a name?

So you might be asking yourself, “What does ‘House without Elephants’ mean?”.  Well let me explain…

As I am sure you know, there is a saying referring to “the elephant in the room” and how people tend to ignore it.  I subscribe to a different philosophy which is:  Never ignore the elephant.  I have a sign in my kitchen that says so. It reads “House without Elephants” and I made it after a discussion my husband and I had.  We were talking about the downfalls of some marriages and the fact that a lot of them spawn from the tiniest of issues that have snowballed.

It’s that little annoying habit or remark that started off so innocently and turned into a war.  I know women especially will keep quiet for several reasons that include things like: they don’t want to be a nag, they’ve said something about it and nothing changed, the other person didn’t take them seriously or “it’s just easier to do it myself.”

It IS important though.  You need to pick an appropriate* time and talk about it.  It may feel weird or forced but it needs to be resolved.  If you are in a healthy loving relationship then the other person is going to want to know if it really bothers you that much.  It doesn’t mean that the other person bends completely to your ways; most of the time you both will have to move to meet in the middle.  Welcome to marriage.

(*As a side note - An appropriate time can be defined as: not in front of other people, not when you are emotional, not right when you get into bed and you are both ready to sleep, not when the other person’s favorite show is on (and asking them to pause is not ok either.)  An appropriate time is when there is nothing else going on.  It will be different for every relationship but for me and my husband, we tend to discuss things in the car, over dinner or while we are both channel-surfing and relaxing.)

So what?  Why do I have to talk about it?  No one wants to have “a talk” and it’s awkward.

It’s not weird and you need to do it.  And the reason is because if you don’t it could morph into so much more.  Not picking up your own wet towel can lead to the other person having to do it .. which leads to possibly feeling used .. which possibly leads to feeling underappreciated .. which possibly leads to one person putting more into a marriage than another.  You see how skewed that got?  A wet towel turns into a one-sided marriage.  You can laugh but it happens .. a lot.

Needless to say … our house has become elephant-less.  We don’t sit around sharing our feelings all the time.  It’s not like that.  It’s just the security of knowing that if something does come up, we both have the right to share our opinions freely without scrutiny and the other person will take them seriously.  You should try it.  It’s awesome.