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| February 2002 |
In honor of a very exciting anniversary coming up in December (and in the spirit of oversharing), I thought I would enlighten everyone about “the story of us”. It’s not very often that I consider our entire history together. Mark and I have covered a lot of ground in our years as a couple. Since our first big anniversary is looming on the horizon, I figured it was time to dust my brain off and try to recount all the (mis)steps we took to get where we are. Here we go …
I’ve always enjoyed being a part of a couple and so, obviously, I started dating the second my parents allowed me to. A went on my first real date at 15. I still remember that night. It was a double date to see the movie “The Nutty Professor”. I went with my best friend at the time and two boys we volunteered with at the hospital. Our parents dropped us off and it was a wonderfully geeky time. I tell you this to establish the fact that dating was not new to me.
I also need to establish the fact that I
have had control issues.
(I still struggle with this but have come a looong way from where I was. This is a story for another time but, basically, “giving it up to God” is my perpetual battle.) How this little personality flaw manifests itself is that I am
OCD a planner. I have always felt most comfortable with the ball in my court and I learned how to manipulate early on to make that happen. Don’t know what I mean? Basically I was a big tease. I liked the chase but never wanted to be caught. I had no idea how frustrating/destructive this was until much later.
Through middle school and the first year of high school, I had several boyfriends.
(Please remember though that an entire relationship, from initial attraction to public break-up, could happen in one day. Oh, middle school drama.) Either way, for almost three years, I made sure I was the dumper every single time. I had it down to an art and I was always in control. I flirted “just so” and they would ask me out and then, when I was bored, I would end it. Thinking back .. I was so brutal. Then came sophomore year of high school.
In the Fall of 2000, I fell hard for a boy in my theatre class. For the purpose of this story, let’s call him Chris. I wanted to date Chris so badly all during my sophomore year. I flirted and such, then finally, during the last month of school, he asked me out. I was on cloud nine! We lived only a mile apart and we saw each other often that summer.
I realized very quickly that I felt different about Chris. It was the first time that I wasn’t in complete control and it made me nervous. I found myself wanting to just settle instead of keeping him on his toes. I had been playing a game for so long that, now that I wanted to stop, I didn't know how. This was when I started to have my internal tug-of-war.
I really wanted us to work. I (like so many girls) had a checklist of what I wanted in “the guy” and he lined up with many of those bullet points. (Although I didn't know it at the time, please note this was my first experience with 'His plan vs. my plan'.) All I wanted was for Chris to like me but I couldn't figure out the "right" way to act. One night, a couple weeks before school started, we got in a huge fight. To this day I remember that fight vividly. Chris told me he had had enough. He said he couldn't keep up with me and called me “finicky”. I got dumped.
I drove home that night and I thought my heart was literally broken. I had never experienced the physical reaction of emotional pain before and I felt it deeply. It was only then that I realized he had been my
heart's head's first attempt at love. Either way, what he was, without question, was right.
I spent several days in a stupor. I had just had my flaws thrown in my face and I couldn't argue them away. I needed to fix myself and I knew I could do it. I just needed Chris back first.
It was a few weeks later after “the break-up” that school started. Chris was a year older so I knew we wouldn’t have class together but I was worried about the hallways and lunch. What would I do if I saw him? I was certainly going to have to win him back but I didn’t know how. I had to find out a way to make him give me a second chance without it looking like I cared either way. I set to planning.
On the first day of school I was completely preoccupied with the Chris issue. It wasn’t until I was packing up my book bag and walking to the cafeteria that I realized I didn’t know which of my friends (if any) had my lunch period. I wasn’t too worried because I knew plenty of people so I figured I would just get my lunch and find someone.
I went through the line, paid for my lunch, and when I walked into the open cafeteria I stopped. I didn’t see any of my friends! How could this be? Not a single one had my lunch?! I started to grow embarrassed. Where was I supposed to sit? About the time that I began debating the strikes against my reputation if I sat alone on the brick wall outside, I saw a hand waving in the middle-distance (apparently I had been kind of staring off into space ... oops!). It was Nick. I was relieved.
Nick was the brother of my ex-boyfriend before Chris. I always liked Nick and I happily walked over to his table to say hi. I saw an empty seat to his left so I invited myself to sit down. Nick was more introverted and really laid back so I knew he wouldn’t call me out for it. I was relieved to make it through the first day and made a mental note to find my friends (I knew they had to be there somewhere) for the next day.
That first lunch was quite interesting. Keep in mind that I was the fairly extroverted ex-girlfriend of Nick’s older brother. I did not fit in at that table. I am just thankful, to this day, that those boys were all so kind. It could have been extremely awkward. The table consisted of approximately 6-7 guys that I didn’t know. They were all a year ahead of me and they were all clearly of the same temperament; introverted and quiet around strangers, girl shy and innocently dorky. In short, I treasured them.
I verified later that day that, indeed, none of my friends had my lunch period. I was stuck eating lunch with Nick and his friends. Truthfully, though, I was a little relieved. The break-up had taken a toll on me and I was not looking to date anyone (unless Chris asked me back out, of course). I thought I had lucked out because I found a group that didn’t know about my summer and, really, didn’t actually know much about me at all. It was refreshing and I felt like I had a respite in the middle of the day to just let go and be myself. I didn’t have to play games or “be” somebody. I was just me. The fact that this was a group of guys, no less, and that I had no interest in dating any of them was even better. I could just hang out with them at lunch and not think too much. No drama. Lunch became my favorite part of the day.
My relaxing lunches continued every day through that Fall semester. I learned a lot of things and I continued to be humbled in their acceptance of me. Had the roles been reversed, I'm ashamed to admit I would have been a snob to them.
There was one boy in the group that I ended up talking to most often. We would find ourselves standing next to each other in the circle (because, you know, everyone stood in circles in high school) and having side conversations. We began making a point to stand away slightly from the others; to isolate ourselves without being obvious about it.
The conversation between us came easily and he made me laugh often. He would explain things to me, like mechanics or physics, and I would prattle on about dance team or whatever. It was an odd relationship but I grew to look forward to seeing him every day. He was different from other guys and the polar opposite of Chris (
aka what I thought I wanted). I knew he was special but I didn't know yet just
how special.
His name was Mark.
Stay tuned to find out how this boy changed my life ...
