Dear Readers ... A Year and A Half Later

Dear Readers,

A very kind reader sent me an email this morning regarding my "Links I Love" Page.  I have fixed the broken link to "Six Sisters' Stuff" and I have added a link to "The Ultimate Frugal Resource Guide" per her suggestion. Thanks Kathleen for the great resource!  I hope others will find it as useful as I have.

Unbeknownst to Kathleen, her email did more than just inform me about necessary editing.  She also reminded me that my little corner of the internet is still out there and people still come across it now and again.  When I started HWE, I started it as a sort of journal to catalog my life.  Well, life got crazy at the end of 2012 and blogging became less of a priority for me.  I made the decision to stop adding to HWE for a while and I apologize for not letting you guys know about it.

I am not sure I am ready to blog full time again but I did want to catch you up on the craziness of the past year:

- As you know, we lost a baby due to miscarriage at the end of 2012.  His name was Andrew and I still miss him to this day.  I don't cry anymore, and the acute pain is gone, but I do sometimes think "How old would Andrew be today?" or "What would _____ have been like if Andrew had been here?"

- In November 2012, I applied for a Leadership/Management Program at work.  It was a four month application process and one I unfortunately didn't feel like was appropriate or professional to share in a public forum.

- In the beginning of February 2013, I unfortunately suffered a second miscarriage.  I was only 5 weeks pregnant and I was able to miscarry at home.  This experience has left a mark on me.  I did not forget all the hope and encouragement Andrew's short life and given me but it was a very dark time.  It took a long time to emotionally recover and, to be honest, I still have my moments.  My "moments" aren't in regards to mourning the loss of the second child necessarily but about the uncertainty of the future.  I will always struggle with things I can't control and this is a giant example of needing to "let go and let God."

- While still dealing with the second miscarriage, I found out I had been accepted into the management program at work.  All of a sudden my work-life radically shifted.  I became much busier and work became something I definitely shouldn't/couldn't discuss.

- Over the next 8 months, I trained my replacement in my old position, transitioned to my new position, completed the program, and was promoted.  At the same time, my husband's work became really intense and he started working crazy-long hours.  Needless to say, work-life was (and sort of still is) our primary focus in life.

- I have settled into my new position at work and I am loving it.  Mark's hours have actually intensified even further at work (12 hour days are standard and there have been a couple 14-15+ hour days).  So basically I have decided to be very choosy about how I get to spend the little moments we have together now.  I still read obsessively and I still cook every night.  These are the things that relax me.  I have also made a point to treat myself better and give myself little at-home "spa" days as frequently as I can.

- My birthday last week actually marked the one-year anniversary of my second miscarriage and the end of the "waiting and recovery" period.  Despite our history, I am excited to try again to expand our family.  I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE to let you all know if we are blessed in that area.

So that pretty much gives a broad overview of life for me recently.  It's been a roller coaster of shifting priorities but I can honestly say I have been happy.  2013 started as the lowest point in my life and ended as one of the highest thus far.  I can't wait to see where 2014 will lead us and I appreciate every single one of you for sticking around.

Love,
Jessie

Happy 4th Anniversary!

Love is

friendship on

fire.

That quote is from Jeremy Taylor, a royalist for King Charles.  I think he was absolutely correct.  Today, my best friend and I are celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary.  I say this all the time because it's true .. I can't believe it's been this long!  I simultaneously feel like I have known him all my life and yet it all happened yesterday.  I have been insanely blessed from the beginning and I am so thankful for every moment. 

Happy Anniversary, Mark.  I love you!

27

I turned 27 three days ago. I think I am still absorbing what that means. With that being said, it's not the actual age that is giving me pause. I think I am one of the few girls that actually loves getting older. It's more about what comes with said age.


When I was younger I came up with an estimated timeline of my life. It's one of those far-fetched things that I am sure a lot of people do. It's the "by the time I'm __ I will be ___" schedule that you compare your life with to see if you're "on track" or not. This can be both a good and bad thing. It can be good because it can fuel your dreams and push you to achieve goals. It can be bad because those dreams and goals were set at an age when you most likely didn't know what went into making them happen.

I have been blessed. Aside from only one or two aspects .. my life is "right on track". School, work, marriage, etc all happened when I expected. It may not have turned out exactly how I originally planned but the timing was nevertheless perfect. I have spent a few years now floating along with no big adjustments on the horizon. It's been more about maintenance and fine-tuning. Well, things are about to change.

I know I've shared my baby fever with you .. frequently. My want ebbs and flows. There are days when it's all I can think about and there are days when I am shouting praises that I am child-free. This will probably never change. The main factor is though that we want kids and I have always planned to have my first one at 28. That's what this monologue boils down to. Considering the 40 week delay and my crazy math ... instead of having a year left .. I feel like I have 2 months left.  Twenty-eight feels a lot closer than it used to.

Are we going to plan a family based on my own neurotic schedule for my life? Absolutely not. I'm not THAT crazy ;)  It's just that all the other goals have come and gone fairly effortlessly and this is the first one that really has me taking a step back, taking a deep breath, and looking at the bigger picture. Who knows what will happen and when. Maybe this is the point at which the path splits. Maybe not. It's just a whole lotta food for thought .. and I'm stuffed.

TV/Netflix Recommendations

When it comes to TV, my taste generally fall within three broad categories: documentaries, comedies and live concerts.  Those are fairly broad categories though and so sometimes I feel like I am all over the place.  Here's a taste of some of my top pics. 

By no means do I limit myself this much.  Like I said, I'm all over the place.  These are just some of the ones that make the "must watch" list:

Documentaries

Sitcoms

 

Live Concerts

New Years Resolutions 2012

There are those of us that make New Year's resolutions and there are those of us that don't.  Some take them very seriously and some don't.  I'm kind of in between.  I think that change can happen any day of the week and I don't believe that there is something overly special about January 1st that makes it 'life changing'.  On the other hand, there is a sense of getting a fresh start and that is the part that is intriguing.  It's that little push of motivation that can make all the difference.

So without further ado, here is my list of "things I will seriously consider" for 2012:

1.  Continue veggie living.  I became a vegetarian in 2011 and I love it.  It wasn't for any political or social reason.  I just wanted to be healthier and I never really cared for meat anyway.  In 2012, I hope to continue the lifestyle and possibly further adjust the parameters.  We will see how it goes.

2.  Get healthier.  I'm being vague about this for a reason. So many people make a resolution like "I'm going to lose 30 lbs" and although I certainly can stand to lose weight, I think "health" has to do with a lot more than just the number on the scale.  Although I do plan on losing some weight, I also plan on moving more, learning about organic/whole foods, sleeping more, laughing more, reducing stress, being outside/getting more fresh air and just becoming a better me.  Like I said.  It's more than just the number on the scale.

3.  Potentially .. maybe .. seriously consider starting a family.  Baby fever just isn't going away.  Mark and I are waiting .... but we don't quite know what we are waiting for any more.  This year will be the year where we really dig deep and find out what we want and if expanding our family is it.  We are young and there is no rush but we don't want to wait around forever.

4.  Seek balance.  See number two.  This is actually part of getting healthier.  I need to find balance and make sure I am spending my time wisely.  I need to be more relaxed and let go of some things.  On the flipside it wouldn't hurt to buckle down and be more diligent about others.

5.  Be a better wife.  I'm thankful to say that Mark and I have a great marriage.  That's not to say we are perfectly perfect all the time.  I want to strive in 2012 to always seek to be uplifting and supportive; to be respectful and listen.  This also applies to other family members and close friends.  The ones that love us unconditionally are usually the ones we badger the most.  Just because I have a stressful day doesn't mean I need to bombard Mark with it.  If Mark wants to talk then I need to quietly listen and not interrupt him a million times because I.have.something.to.say.and.I.have.to.say.it.right.this.second. 

What are your resolutions?  Do you believe in them whole-heartedly or do you just do it for fun? 

CDO .. hahaha

This was sent to me by my friend Allie.  She definitely knows me.  LOVE IT!

Happy Friday!

The Story of Us, Part III

February 2008

This story is a continuation from Part I and Part II …


Over the course of the next week and a half, Mark and I saw each other every other day. We didn’t tell people right away that we were dating because we had a hard time acknowledging that ourselves. There wasn't a long drawn out "does (s)he/doesn't (s)he".  No friends passing messages along.  No pomp and circumstance. 

One day we were just friends. 
The next day we could never be just friends again.

Big things happened over the course of our first several months together:
- Mark, who had shoulder length hair when I met him, cut his hair off to prove to my conservative parents that he was serious about me. (This was a big deal.  I was officially wowed and humbled.)
- I stopped trying to get Chris back (although getting over the "idea" of him took much longer).
- Mark demanded that before I officially became his girlfriend, I had to become a Christian.  Thus I promptly began faking it since I had no interest in any sort of God.
- I started attending Mark's church regularly and going to youth group and learning what being a Christian was about.
- I started to confront my baggage and sort out my issues.
- I learned what it felt like to want to put someone else's wants and needs before my own.
- Fast forward several months.  I realized I wasn’t really faking it any more.
- Fast forward a few more months.  I started my senior year of high school and Mark was working full-time.  Things had changed since the previous school year ... and for the better.

When school started again, we couldn't hang out every day like we had been over the summer.  We would stay up until all hours of the night chatting on AIM. We were trying to find our way and decide on our future.  I had a lot of issues and angst to work through (with God, with my parents, within myself).  Learning to grow up was hard and ridding myself of preconceived notions was even harder.  I expected/planned on my life and relationships to take a certain course.  Mark was too important to give up but I was still determined to mold him to that stupid checklist. I still smile at the thought of how hard I was resisting His plan and how determined I was by my own.  Ridiculous.

We learned early on to communicate and talk through everything.  We learned to listen.  We learned to compromise.  We learned to trust.  Those are very hard lessons to learn, especially at 17 and 18.  In the end, I guess you can say it worked.

Thinking back, I treasure those late nights talking.  I didn't know it at the time but Mark was printing our AIM conversations from those years and keeping them (along with the notes I wrote him in school, ticket stubs, etc.). <swoon>  We actually have them, to this day, in a big binder/scrapbook.

Everyone jokes now that Mark and I take forever to do things. I think it is because of our beginnings.  It took months to admit we were dating. It took a year to admit we were in love. It took two years and one 48-hour break-up* to admit we were in it for the long haul.  And it took five years to commit to marriage. That is too long for some people but it was the perfect pace for us.

When I say Mark is my rock, it is the understatement of the century. I truly believe I am undeserving of such a selfless, godly man. He is perfect in every way that matters. He stands beside me through the toughest battles (most of which I wage internally). He sees right through me and he doesn't let me get away with things.  Despite all of my flaws, he loves me unconditionally.  I am profoundly in love with this man.

Our journey has not been perfect but it is ours .. and that in itself is perfect enough for me.

* You know how when you break-up with someone, everyone comes out of the woodwork to tell you the other person's flaws and how you are better off with out them? Well I decided at the end of my senior year of high school that I wanted to be "free" and have the "college experience" and so I broke up with Mark.  I just wasn't sure if he was headed in the same direction as me.  Well, instead of everyone supporting me, I had everyone telling me what a mistake I had made.  My friends and family kept telling me Mark was the greatest thing to happen to me and that I was an idiot.  Needless to say, I begged forgiveness and we were back together the next day.  I gave up on that stupid checklist.  It was clearly wrong.

Jessie, Age 26: The Update

This is how you feel about my waste of a post.  Admit it.

I mentioned here last week that I got bangs.  Was it a little superficial of me to devote an entire post to my hair? Yes.  Am I about to do it again? You bet :)

My hair is a big part of me so that's why it is worth it to me to notate a big change.  With that being said .. I wanted to let everyone know that "The Bangs Experiment of 2011" has been a success!  After washing my hair and playing around I have officially decided I LOVE them!  They are not too short after all (hence the Ramona Quimby remarks) and they are very close to my inspiration pic.  All in all .. they are here to stay (at least until I get bored again ;))

Also, I can't believe I didn't mention this in the last post but .. Kristen dyed my eyebrows!  This is a huge deal (almost bigger than bangs) and I have to say I am totally enamored.  My eyebrows were practically clear and and I was always told never to dye them.  I mean, I didn't even know what color to dye them.. red? ugh.

Anyways, Kristen suggested we dye them .. and seeing as she is a rockstar and I totally trust her .. I said sure.  She nailed it!  She died them not red a gold color.  It's super subtle.  If I point it out to you then you notice, but otherwise, it just looks totally natural. (No I will not point it out to you in real life.  That's going a little too far.) From now on, no matter what I do with my hair I will FOREVER be dying my brows.  It made all the difference!

Like I said before .. Kristen!  Cline's Salon! Go!! She works magic and I heart her!  (Yes, I am a total fangirl .. moving on.) Hope you have a happy hair day!

The Story of Us, Part II

March 2006

This story is a continuation from here …


There was something special about those lunches. We were from two different worlds but it didn’t matter during the lunch hour. We talked freely and enjoyed each others company. Since Mark was a year older than me we never had classes together and so we didn’t see much of each other outside of the cafeteria. I saw him a few times while he was walking to his car but it felt weird to say something to him. It was as if our relationship existed only under the fluorescent lights of the cafeteria. Since "we" didn't exist outside of those confines, I was shocked when I heard my name yelled across the parking lot on that chilly December afternoon.

On December 17, 2001, I had an early dismissal from school. It was exam week prior to winter break and, for me, exams were done.  It turns out I wasn't the only one.  As I was climbing into my friend’s car (another story for another time), I heard my name from the senior section of the parking lot. When I realized it was Mark I was surprised. I couldn’t believe he had been so bold. I waved back and gave him the universal pointer finger sign for “just one second.” I jumped in the car and drove over to where he was.

He was standing next to his truck when I pulled up and I just smiled at him. (I think he had surprised himself a little when he called my name like that.)

M: Hey.
J: Hey.
M: What’s up?
J: Nothing. You?
M: Nothing. <pause> So what are you up to the rest of the day?
J: I just have to go get my paycheck and go to the bank but that’s about it.
M: Do you want to go get coffee or something?
J: <shell shocked> um, sure! Do you want to run errands with me first?
M: OK
J: Great .. well, um .. follow me then?

And we were off. Yes, folks. That was our very eloquent beginning. Mark followed me to pick up my paycheck, we went to the bank, and then we dropped off my friend’s car. The place he wanted to take me for coffee was downtown so I got in his truck so he could drive.

Fun fact: When I opened the door to get in his car for the first time, the first thing I did was chastise him for having a messy car. Haha. If only he knew what kind of foreboding that had been. ;)

Mark informed me on the way downtown that he worked in a coffee shop called Jammin’ Java and that’s where he was taking me. When we descended the stairs to the underground coffee shop, I was enamored. (To this day I still reminisce about that place and wish it was still around.)

Mark directed me to sit on one of the plushy couches and said he would go make our coffee. He came back a few minutes later with our Caramel Breves and had a seat next to me. As we sipped our delicious coffee we began to talk on a more personal level than we had ever achieved at school. We discussed each other’s families and backgrounds and really started to get to know each other.

Although I can’t say I was falling in love right then, I do know that I felt a connection and that I had found a new dear friend. We hung around at the Java until the last possible second.  If there hadn't been a need for me to get home, we would probably have closed the place down.  It was amazing.


Stay tuned to find out what happened after our first date…

Pinterest, where have you been all of my life?

I have a new obsession.  I can not lie.

Pinterest.

What is Pinterest, you ask?  It's an online bulletin board where you pin pictures and links to all of your interests .. thus Pinterest.  I had heard about this website a while back but never thought I could utilize such a tool.  Then, a few weeks ago, it was referenced on the same day by two separate blogs I follow.  I took it as a sign that I needed to revisit the issue.

I went to the website and requested an invitation.  (By the way, if you are interested in joining, let me know and I will send you a direct invitation.  It's faster that way.)  As I awaited the evite, I began to click through pictures and figure out how everything worked.  I started to grasp how others were using the site and began to realize it could be a wonderful tool and not just a social outlet.

As you probably know by now, I would thoroughly love to be Martha Stewart (sans the jail time) and so I am constantly brushing up on my organizing, cooking, reading and general homemaking skills.  Since I work full-time out of the home and I do not have an unlimited budget or time, I tend to plan more than create.  That's not to say I don't follow through, because I do, it's just that I take a little longer to get to the final result.  I like to break things down in stages, versus completing an entire project outright, because it's generally faster and cheaper that way.

Up until now I kept all of my ideas stowed away in my brain, flagged in emails, etc.  This has worked for me thus far because, as it turns out, I have the ability to store large quantities of inspiration in my head.  I do have a limit though.  A couple months ago I arbitrarily decided to start planning SEVERAL projects .. some large, some small, some for now and some for a year or two down the road.  Crazy, right?  Probably.

I had been trying to think of ways to manage all my plans when I landed on Pinterest.  I realized I could just create a board for projects and store the information in one location.  I can tag pictures or articles or anything.  So this is how I have decided to use it.  I have a board for each room that I want to decorate, recipes I want to make, outfits I want to wear, ways I want to store future belongings, etc.  It's wonderful!  I know there are a ton of reasons and uses it would be good for but, personally, it was a simple decision.

I encourage you to check it out.  Maybe it's not your cup of tea but just maybe it is.  If nothing else, you can at least spend a few minutes looking at pretty pictures :)

The Story of Us, Part I

February 2002

 In honor of a very exciting anniversary coming up in December (and in the spirit of oversharing), I thought I would enlighten everyone about “the story of us”. It’s not very often that I consider our entire history together. Mark and I have covered a lot of ground in our years as a couple. Since our first big anniversary is looming on the horizon, I figured it was time to dust my brain off and try to recount all the (mis)steps we took to get where we are. Here we go …

I’ve always enjoyed being a part of a couple and so, obviously, I started dating the second my parents allowed me to. A went on my first real date at 15. I still remember that night. It was a double date to see the movie “The Nutty Professor”. I went with my best friend at the time and two boys we volunteered with at the hospital. Our parents dropped us off and it was a wonderfully geeky time. I tell you this to establish the fact that dating was not new to me.

I also need to establish the fact that I have had control issues. (I still struggle with this but have come a looong way from where I was. This is a story for another time but, basically, “giving it up to God” is my perpetual battle.) How this little personality flaw manifests itself is that I am OCD a planner. I have always felt most comfortable with the ball in my court and I learned how to manipulate early on to make that happen. Don’t know what I mean? Basically I was a big tease. I liked the chase but never wanted to be caught. I had no idea how frustrating/destructive this was until much later.

Through middle school and the first year of high school, I had several boyfriends. (Please remember though that an entire relationship, from initial attraction to public break-up, could happen in one day.  Oh, middle school drama.) Either way, for almost three years, I made sure I was the dumper every single time. I had it down to an art and I was always in control. I flirted “just so” and they would ask me out and then, when I was bored, I would end it. Thinking back .. I was so brutal. Then came sophomore year of high school.

In the Fall of 2000, I fell hard for a boy in my theatre class. For the purpose of this story, let’s call him Chris. I wanted to date Chris so badly all during my sophomore year. I flirted and such, then finally, during the last month of school, he asked me out. I was on cloud nine! We lived only a mile apart and we saw each other often that summer.

I realized very quickly that I felt different about Chris. It was the first time that I wasn’t in complete control and it made me nervous. I found myself wanting to just settle instead of keeping him on his toes. I had been playing a game for so long that, now that I wanted to stop, I didn't know how.  This was when I started to have my internal tug-of-war.

I really wanted us to work. I (like so many girls) had a checklist of what I wanted in “the guy” and he lined up with many of those bullet points.  (Although I didn't know it at the time, please note this was my first experience with 'His plan vs. my plan'.) All I wanted was for Chris to like me but I couldn't figure out the "right" way to act. One night, a couple weeks before school started, we got in a huge fight. To this day I remember that fight vividly. Chris told me he had had enough. He said he couldn't keep up with me and called me “finicky”. I got dumped.

I drove home that night and I thought my heart was literally broken. I had never experienced the physical reaction of emotional pain before and I felt it deeply. It was only then that I realized he had been my heart's head's first attempt at love. Either way, what he was, without question, was right.

I spent several days in a stupor.  I had just had my flaws thrown in my face and I couldn't argue them away.  I needed to fix myself and I knew I could do it.  I just needed Chris back first.

It was a few weeks later after “the break-up” that school started. Chris was a year older so I knew we wouldn’t have class together but I was worried about the hallways and lunch. What would I do if I saw him? I was certainly going to have to win him back but I didn’t know how. I had to find out a way to make him give me a second chance without it looking like I cared either way. I set to planning.

On the first day of school I was completely preoccupied with the Chris issue. It wasn’t until I was packing up my book bag and walking to the cafeteria that I realized I didn’t know which of my friends (if any) had my lunch period. I wasn’t too worried because I knew plenty of people so I figured I would just get my lunch and find someone.

I went through the line, paid for my lunch, and when I walked into the open cafeteria I stopped. I didn’t see any of my friends! How could this be? Not a single one had my lunch?! I started to grow embarrassed. Where was I supposed to sit? About the time that I began debating the strikes against my reputation if I sat alone on the brick wall outside, I saw a hand waving in the middle-distance (apparently I had been kind of staring off into space ... oops!). It was Nick. I was relieved.

Nick was the brother of my ex-boyfriend before Chris. I always liked Nick and I happily walked over to his table to say hi. I saw an empty seat to his left so I invited myself to sit down. Nick was more introverted and really laid back so I knew he wouldn’t call me out for it. I was relieved to make it through the first day and made a mental note to find my friends (I knew they had to be there somewhere) for the next day.

That first lunch was quite interesting. Keep in mind that I was the fairly extroverted ex-girlfriend of Nick’s older brother. I did not fit in at that table. I am just thankful, to this day, that those boys were all so kind. It could have been extremely awkward. The table consisted of approximately 6-7 guys that I didn’t know. They were all a year ahead of me and they were all clearly of the same temperament; introverted and quiet around strangers, girl shy and innocently dorky. In short, I treasured them.

I verified later that day that, indeed, none of my friends had my lunch period.  I was stuck eating lunch with Nick and his friends.  Truthfully, though, I was a little relieved.  The break-up had taken a toll on me and I was not looking to date anyone (unless Chris asked me back out, of course). I thought I had lucked out because I found a group that didn’t know about my summer and, really,  didn’t actually know much about me at all. It was refreshing and I felt like I had a respite in the middle of the day to just let go and be myself. I didn’t have to play games or “be” somebody. I was just me. The fact that this was a group of guys, no less, and that I had no interest in dating any of them was even better. I could just hang out with them at lunch and not think too much. No drama. Lunch became my favorite part of the day.

My relaxing lunches continued every day through that Fall semester. I learned a lot of things and I continued to be humbled in their acceptance of me.  Had the roles been reversed, I'm ashamed to admit I would have been a snob to them.

There was one boy in the group that I ended up talking to most often. We would find ourselves standing next to each other in the circle (because, you know, everyone stood in circles in high school) and having side conversations. We began making a point to stand away slightly from the others; to isolate ourselves without being obvious about it.

The conversation between us came easily and he made me laugh often.  He would explain things to me, like mechanics or physics, and I would prattle on about dance team or whatever. It was an odd relationship but I grew to look forward to seeing him every day. He was different from other guys and the polar opposite of Chris (aka what I thought I wanted).  I knew he was special but I didn't know yet just how special. 

His name was Mark.


Stay tuned to find out how this boy changed my life ...

The Story of Us, the Prologue

It has come to my attention that a very big anniversary is fast approaching.  This December, Mark and I will have been together for 10 years.

Yes, I am a little surprised myself. It just doesn't seem like it has been that long.

Nevertheless, we will mark our first decade together very soon.  Since I rarely (ever?) do it, I thought it would be nice to time-travel back to 2001 and revisit how "we" came to be.

Stay tuned for "The Story of Us" while I walk/run down memory lane.

Now where did I put my tennis shoes....

The Journey of a Thousand Words

I adore photography.  I truly do.  I remember when I was planning my wedding, my parents told me to make a list of things I wanted if I had my budget-less dream party.  They then asked me to pick the one thing on the list that meant the most to me; the one thing I wouldn't/couldn't compromise on.  I picked photography.

I will never regret that decision because, to me, photography is the most important.  It was the one thing that would remain after the cake was eaten, the presents opened and life resumed. Twenty years from now I want to have the opportunity to relive my wedding day.  I will want to be reminded of the details and love that surrounded us.  My pictures will do that.

There can be so much power in photo and, when it's done right,  it can take your breath away.  A great example would be the still shots that come out of photojournalism.  It always amazes me that such powerful emotion could be captured in a split second and then translate so well.  MSNBC produces a weekly slideshow of some of the best.  There is just something about a non-posed picture that really captures the essence of the subject matter.  It makes me question and it makes me think.  It's just that when you capture someone/something "in the moment," no amount of planning can duplicate that on demand.



Photo Credit: "Fax, Colour, Xerox, STD and ISD" by Robert

Although I claim photojournalism is my favorite, it is very closely rivaled by two additional genres: macro photography and landscape photography.  In simple terms, macro photography is in the details.  It's pictures encompass texture and color like no other.  I love the change in perspective.  It's too often that we see only the big picture.  Everyone has seen a field of grass, but have not everyone has taken the time to look at just one blade of it.  It's beautiful.  It's in the details that I can begin to marvel at the world that has been created for us.  It's the puzzle pieces of life that make up the whole.  The words that create the sentence.



Photo Credit: "Tower" by Brett Cowling

Speaking of the world that was created for us .. landscape photography.  Pictures of the world around us.  We move so fast that we can lose the impact of what surrounds us.  Our world is beautiful and when you look at it through the lens of a camera you begin to see things you never would have before.  The narrowed perspective allows you to experience gradation in color, pattern and texture.  It forces you to pick the best viewing angle and let's you appreciate things for what they are.  It's peaceful and soul-grounding.


Photo Credit:  "Elgol, Isle of Skye" by James Blond

Am I a photographer? No.  Did I miss my calling? Perhaps.  I don't believe you have to be a professional to enjoy the art.  It only takes one tool and an imagination.  I have loved photography for as long as I remember and I have always lived vicariously through others.  I am blessed to be surrounded by many artists in my life so I am constantly being enriched through creativity. 

My husband, for one, is very talented.  We have a gallery spread in our guest room "introducing" our company to our home.  It is a series of macros taken around the house.  I like to refer to it as a deconstructed home tour.  I. Love. It. 

Surprisingly enough, even though we both share the adoration, we have yet to invest in proper equipment.  Up until now we have simply sufficed with two basic point-and-shoots, two surprisingly-decent camera phones and Photoshop.  It's worked up until now but we have realized we need more.  It's time to be grown-ups and it's time to invest in better.

That brings us to the question: What will we get?  After weighing our options, and taking into consideration that we really aren't professionals and this is simply a hobby, we have decided on the Sony A35 DSLR.


Exhibit A

Mark has a nice Sony film camera he received in high school.  It's a great camera but too antiquated.  Since he took care of it, the lenses are in great condition.  We basically wanted to find a new body and that's why we landed on the A35.  I am hoping we will get this for Christmas which means my pictorial blogging will improve greatly in the new year.

Are you a photographer?  Do you enjoy it as a professional or a hobbyist?  What are your thoughts of the A35?  What are your favorite subjects to shoot? I would love to hear your comments.

Lions, Tigers, Lopsided Bears, Oh My!

Halloween is my all-time favorite holiday.  Hands down.  No contest.  I love it for so many reasons but, mostly, the costumes.  There are just so many opportunities for humor (both good and bad) that I can't help but smile.  If you don't believe me, I double-homemade-dog-costume-dare you to google "epic Halloween costumes" or "Halloween costume fail" and not laugh.  Seriously.  Go.  I'll wait.

SEE!  See what I mean!  Fantastic!

How can you not love a holiday that accommodates adorable costumes for kids (note the lions, tigers and bears comment) and crazy costumes for adults (note the "Hookerween" pic from bluntcards.com).  It's just so much fun.  All this to say, Mark and I take Halloween seriously.

Every year we attempt to come up with some sort of epicness to show off.  It all started in high school with Mark's (now famous) WD-40 costume.  So far, the notable costumes have included Worm on a Hook (think three foot PVC fishhook "through" the body), Hammer Time (giant hammer meets giant clock), Peas and Carrots, Dead Battery (giant battery plus zombie make-up), and Pippi Longstocking.  I know I am excluding some but you get the point.  Halloween is kind of our thing.

So here we are again, with Halloween looming just around the corner and crunch time approaching.  So the question remains .. what in the world are we going to be this year!?

A Secret Love Affair

There exists an elite shelf of books in my repertoire.  It’s a secret society with high expectations for its members.  Not everyone can get in.  Not everyone can stay in.  Not everyone is worthy.  These books surreptitiously blend in to the 5-Star Club down the road but it is only a cover for their greatness.  These are my most favored books.  The books that, if the mood ever strikes, I will revisit with gusto.  They transcend.

I am a firm believer that books have a voice.  They come into your life at certain times and, I think, not by accident.  They hold your hand through seas of emotion and point you to shore when your compass has broken.  They rescue you.

It is not a coincidence, either, that these serendipitous adventures happen when you least expect it.  You think, “This looks like a fun read” or “I just need something to read while I wait on that other book” and the next thing you know you are sucked in.  You lose your breath for a moment realizing someone looked inside your soul and wrote their findings for everyone to see.  You connect.  And it’s amazing.

These moments, and these books, are few and far between but they do exist.  Have you ever experienced this?  What book touched you in the corner of your mind or heart that you didn’t know was there?  What book made you mourn a little when it was over?

If you’ve never experienced this then you might think I am a little crazed.  If you have, well then, you and I both know I’m not.

Pinch a penny, please!

In this economy, it seems everyone is looking for one more way to pinch a penny.  This would account for the notable rise in “extreme couponing” shows on tv.  Mark and I are no exception but I just can’t get behind taking such extravagant measures to do so.  I just don’t have the energy or the hours in a week to devote to coupon-hunting, driving to several different stores and then bringing the excess home to hoard away.  All of that aside, I do understand there is some serious money to be saved but I am just too lazy.

There are a few convenient grocery stores around our house but we are decidedly Publix-loyal.  I have taken to buying store brands and taking advantage of sales in the weekly ad but I knew I could do more.  Since I was already browsing the weekly ad online when I made my list, I figured I could hit up a few coupon websites as well.  So far I have saved a few extra dollars but nothing too notable.

How I usually make my list is, about 20 minutes before I leave for the store, I stand in the kitchen with the cabinets and fridge open and just see what’s missing.  There’s no grand scheme or anything.  Then, during the week, I open the cabinets again and stare into oblivion until dinner ideas pop into my head.  It wasn’t until recently that I realized how inefficient this was.

A few months ago I changed my eating habits and am now a full-time vegetarian (or really more of a pescetarian.  I eat fish.). The sudden lack of meat has yet to bother me but, all of a sudden, cooking became a lot more difficult.  I consider myself a fairly good cook and have an extensive “mental cookbook” of recipes to choose from.  That’s the main reason that I could just open cabinets and see what’s missing.  My brain just seemed to subconsciously pick out the missing ingredients for recipes in my head.  Once I took away the meat, I realized my mental cookbook was decidedly carnivorous.  I couldn’t think of anything to make!  So I bought a couple new cookbooks and set to work updating my brain.

During this process I have learned the best way for my family to save money .. meal planning!  Each week, utilizing the same 20 minutes, instead of standing in the kitchen drooling on myself, I sit down with my cookbooks and plan 6-7 menus.  I then make my grocery list based off those recipes.  By doing this, we have cut our grocery bill significantly .. like $40-50 each time! 

We never really bought excess before but because there was not a plan, it always seemed like we had “nothing” to eat when we really did.  Now, when I get home from work and am tired, all I have to do is glance at the list of recipes and page numbers on the fridge and get to work!  It’s much more hassle-free and quite enjoyable.

Seeing as most of the things we buy (fresh fruits/vegetables, dairy, etc.) aren’t coupon-type foods, I am not sure if I will ever fully commit to couponing.  Now that I have seen that there is an alternative method to saving tons, I am totally at peace with that now.  If you are like me, I encourage you to try meal-planning.  It could save you a bunch, too!  Happy shopping! :)

Dear Diary...

There is something about that phrase that just feels ridiculous to me.

As a young girl, I always had a little journal with a flimsy lock hidden in my room somewhere.  If you had sneaked into my room, found my hiding place and cracked open the lock, you would have discovered a startling truth:  It was empty.

What you would also have noticed is that there were several pages missing.  Why were there torn out pages, you might ask?  Maybe that’s where all the juicy gossip was written? Were the torn pages hidden somewhere else? Um, no.

The boring truth is that it never existed at all.  There were no heartfelt confessions, no damnation of my parents and no testimony of backstabbing to be had.  I would sit on my bed, with pen in hand and the best of intentions, and prepare to pour my heart out.  In my finest handwriting I would begin “Dear Diary,” and then I would just stop and stare at the page.  What was I supposed to write next? 

It was that next sentence that was always the hardest.  Seeing as the perfectionism started early, even at that age, I could never land on a sentence that I was satisfied with.  At times I managed to get one or two written before inevitably hating what I wrote.  Since I couldn’t just scratch out the offending words because that would look sloppy, I had to tear out the whole thing and start over.  Hence the missing pages.

Some days I would complete an entire entry, lock the journal away, and then bask in the accomplishment.  That is, until I revisited the letter in my head.  I would always find a better way of wording things or wish I had/hadn’t included something.  So back to the journal I would go and into the trash another piece of paper would reside.

Since the whole process was more hassle than it was worth, I quickly quite trying.  I learned to express myself in other ways.  I would sketch drawings in leftover spiral notebooks, write poetry, and in high school I started writing one-act plays and dialogue.  This ended up being, for me, the therapy that journaling can be for others.  It wasn’t until I was contemplating this blog entry that I realized that was me journaling all along.  It just so happened that my version wasn’t chronological, it wasn’t in one secure location, and it wasn’t always written out in words.

The blog is the 21^st century version of the diary and, now that I am older, I am willing to give it another try.  Sentences come easier now so I think I can handle it.  I fully realize that I tend to be a little verbose but I am working on that, too. It seems I have gone from one extreme to the other.  Hopefully this exercise will help me become more succinct as I learn to choose my words more precisely. I don’t know what will happen.  I think it will be ok, though, as long as I never have to start with “Dear Diary” again.

Hello, my name is Jessie and I’m a bookaholic…

I briefly mentioned this in my prior post and it is very true.  I adore reading.  Assuming I did it right (seeing as I am new to the blog-world), you should start to see my book reviews pop up between posts.

I started reading from a very young age.  I absolutely loved meeting new people and going on adventures in real life... so why not in my books?  My interest took me through an array of typical children, pre-teen and teen books.  I read my fair share of Dr. Seuss, pick-your-own-adventure stories, Ramona Quimby, Sweet Valley High, Goosebumps... you get the gist.  My mom, also a reader, would frequent a used bookstore in our area.  I would tag along as she would sell a bag of books, get credit, and shop for new ones.  I would get lost wandering among the shelves of books, imagining what world lived between the pages. I was always allowed to get a few books and I could never wait to get home and read them.

Then, with high school, came summer reading lists and mandatory reading in English Lit classes.  Due to my busy schedule with extracurricular activities and such, my time became limited.  Since I wasn’t wholly interested in what I was being forced to read, the pace was slow and I was left with little time to read for pleasure.  Soon enough I moved onto other interests and then college came and went.

After graduation and getting a “real” job, I was faced with my new norm … the 8-hour workday.  I learned a lot with that job (we will go there one day) and not all of it was work-related.  Lesson One:  What do you do with a one-hour lunch break in the middle of the day when you are stranded too far from home to actually go home?  It means that you need to come up with something to do.  After spending WAY too much money on going out to eat and coming up with “errands” to run (what shopping habit?), I figured it would be wise to start bringing my lunch to prevent me from spending. 

Here’s the thing, my first job’s excuse for a break room was pathetic.  NO ONE ate in there.  In fact getting coffee was almost intolerable.  It was, literally, a closet that they crammed a table, a mini-fridge topped with a coffee pot and filing cabinets into.  There was barely enough room to pull out a chair, much less relax for an hour.  Because of this, everyone tended to just sit in their respective cars.

Since I had already established that I couldn’t consciously squander my paycheck on the $12-a-day-for-lunch habit, or the more expensive I-went-to-Target-for-light-bulbs-and-came-out-with-this-great-shirt habit, I adjusted to the brown-bag-in-the-car habit.  You make think that sounds pitifully sad but, to tell you the truth, I learned to covet those 60 minutes each day.  It was the time when that I didn’t have to talk to anyone, pretend to care or answer questions.  If you ever meet me you will know that I am a people person.  But I am the type of people person that needs complete solitude to recharge.

After a week or so of just sitting there, people watching and listening to music, I realized I needed more.  I was a little bored.  It dawned on me that I could use that time to read this book my friend was hounding me to read.  Enter… the Harry Potter series.

Okay.  One of two things just happened when you read that.  You either went “Greeeeeat here’s another full grown adult that’s going to rant about how amazing that stupid kid's book is and how I just must read it. Bleeeeeck” or you just went ”YES!”.  Let’s just say I started in group one and then, afterwards, moved my way into group two.  And although I do completely enjoy the series, I am NOT a Potterhead.  I am very grateful though to my friend for pushing that series on me because it was a great re-entry into the world of bookworms.  It was fast and addictive and soon, instead of counting down the minutes until I had to go back into work, I was counting the number of pages I could cram into my hour.

So I sped through seven years worth of Hogwarts … and then I just kept on going.  I read anything and everything I could get my hands on.  I had finally found my escape!  I now had the ability to find my solace in the middle of the day with or without people around!  **Now you’re probably wandering “How can she do that?  I thought she said she had to be alone?”  Well this is how.  When I read a book (of course we need to assume it’s a good one) I get completely lost in the words on the page.  I zone in so much that I can tune out most anything around me and live inside my book and my imagination.  It’s blissful.**

About two years later I came upon a site called goodreads.com.  Although I loved reading, I wasn’t sure if I was like “those” people.  I read for pure enjoyment and that was it.  What did I even have to contribute to the book world?  Are they going to make fun of me?  What if I don’t use the right terminology?  Well it took a while but I eventually got over my I’m-not-a-literary-genius-or-even-an-English-major attitude and decided that I, the book lover, have a valuable opinion and to just go for it.

Well there was no turning back.  Now the site is part of the ritual.  I get a book, post that I am reading it, finish reading it, post that I read it and write up a review.  I have gotten positive feedback on some of my reviews thus far and it is so encouraging!

So (as usual), a long story short is that you will see my book reviews pop up.  Feel free to read them and comment!  Trust me when I say there are books out there for everyone!  So if you think reading is a chore or a way to get out of them... pick one up anyways and tell me what you think.  I am always looking for suggestions and maybe you, too, will drink the Kool-aid that is books.

And so it begins...

It’s funny how some things seem so important that you have to take action immediately, in that very moment, and then life happens and it falls unnoticed by the wayside. That is basically the story of how this blog was born.  I was inspired (like so many others) to write a book.  What I failed to acknowledge is the fact that an avid reader, a writer does not make.

I blueprinted my whole story that weekend.  I began mental relationships with a few of my main characters.  I outlined their lives and spun a web I could then lose myself whilst untangling it.  Then it happened.  Something else grabbed my attention for a second too long and, before I knew it, the moment had passed.  I realized the error of my ways and then decided to approach the idea “in a methodical, meticulous sense”.  So I started a blog so that I could practice the daily ritual of writing, all the while fleshing my book ideas out.  That was four months ago.

You see that’s my problem. The “methodical, meticulous sense” part.  I’m a planner.  I’m organized.  I work very hard at having a perfect life "bubble" at all times.  Some people may think this would be bothersome but I embrace that part of me.  So while my left-brain glories in my organizational skills and my ability to make decisions, my right-brain pouts in the corner. Sometimes I truly feel like a walking contradiction.

What do I mean?  Well it’s a long story but I’m afraid I need to start from the beginning…

When I was young I was organized, but not so much so that it drew attention to me.  My stuffed animals were always lined up perfectly and my room never became too messy but, honestly, the average joe would most likely attribute it to scrupulous parents more than their obsessive daughter.  But while my messes were tamer than average, my imagination was not.

I have always had a flare for the dramatic.  Maybe it’s the red hair.  Maybe it’s the Irish-Italian heritage.  I’m not sure what caused it but there is no questioning I have it.  I discovered the stage early.  I danced first and then moved on to theater.  I loved the attention, I loved the costumes and I loved being lost in a character whom I found way more interesting than myself.  In high school I became the president of our high school theatre company for two years which led me to earn a scholarship for college. 

Ah, college.  It is the point in a young person’s life where they must make life-altering decisions without the qualifications of experience and knowledge to do so.  The voices around me encouraged the “doctor/lawyer/indian chief” route so I could “make real money and have stability”.  Needless to say, the day I set off to get my Bachelor’s in Finance and Marketing was the day I kissed a blissfully artistic life goodbye. 

It didn’t go quietly in the night.  There was a little kicking and screaming along the way in the form of community theatre.  My business classes didn’t allow room for art classes, but I tried anyways.  As fun as it was I just couldn’t maintain the pace.  Priorities shifted and I found myself nurturing my left-sided-ness and ignoring my right.

Looking back, I don’t regret it.  The economy tanked about the time I graduated, I was engaged to my wonderful husband and I made no plans to leave the vicinity of my hometown.  With those factors at hand, I would have never made a dime and moving home was not an option.  Four years later, I have a stable job and a quiet life.  Quiet enough for me to hear the faint whines of my right-brain demanding attention.  It says it's cramped.  It says it's bored.  It says it wants room to roam and, really, who am I to deny it?

So here we are.  Full circle.  A way for me to ease back into acknowleding ideas and letting them live a little. This shall be my outlet.  It’s my virtual story board.  A place for me to map out where I want to go and what I want to do.  The only theme to this is me.  I just hope that’s enough.