What’s in a name?

So you might be asking yourself, “What does ‘House without Elephants’ mean?”.  Well let me explain…

As I am sure you know, there is a saying referring to “the elephant in the room” and how people tend to ignore it.  I subscribe to a different philosophy which is:  Never ignore the elephant.  I have a sign in my kitchen that says so. It reads “House without Elephants” and I made it after a discussion my husband and I had.  We were talking about the downfalls of some marriages and the fact that a lot of them spawn from the tiniest of issues that have snowballed.

It’s that little annoying habit or remark that started off so innocently and turned into a war.  I know women especially will keep quiet for several reasons that include things like: they don’t want to be a nag, they’ve said something about it and nothing changed, the other person didn’t take them seriously or “it’s just easier to do it myself.”

It IS important though.  You need to pick an appropriate* time and talk about it.  It may feel weird or forced but it needs to be resolved.  If you are in a healthy loving relationship then the other person is going to want to know if it really bothers you that much.  It doesn’t mean that the other person bends completely to your ways; most of the time you both will have to move to meet in the middle.  Welcome to marriage.

(*As a side note - An appropriate time can be defined as: not in front of other people, not when you are emotional, not right when you get into bed and you are both ready to sleep, not when the other person’s favorite show is on (and asking them to pause is not ok either.)  An appropriate time is when there is nothing else going on.  It will be different for every relationship but for me and my husband, we tend to discuss things in the car, over dinner or while we are both channel-surfing and relaxing.)

So what?  Why do I have to talk about it?  No one wants to have “a talk” and it’s awkward.

It’s not weird and you need to do it.  And the reason is because if you don’t it could morph into so much more.  Not picking up your own wet towel can lead to the other person having to do it .. which leads to possibly feeling used .. which possibly leads to feeling underappreciated .. which possibly leads to one person putting more into a marriage than another.  You see how skewed that got?  A wet towel turns into a one-sided marriage.  You can laugh but it happens .. a lot.

Needless to say … our house has become elephant-less.  We don’t sit around sharing our feelings all the time.  It’s not like that.  It’s just the security of knowing that if something does come up, we both have the right to share our opinions freely without scrutiny and the other person will take them seriously.  You should try it.  It’s awesome.